Claws and Effects: Submissions Guidelines

RAMBLING PREAMBLE (PREAMBLING RAMAMBLE) TO CLAWS AND EFFECTS SUBMISSIONS GUIDELINES: 

UPDATE MARCH 10, 2025: YES, WE ARE FINALLY OPEN AGAIN TO SUBMISSIONS FROM ERRRYONE – AND THAT INCLUDES ANIMALS AND INSECTS!

*Please be aware that issues 1-28 can be found in the archives of our old site at www.clockwisecat.blogspot.com. All issues from 29 on are housed here.

**Please also be aware that we are DOING AWAY WITH – ELIMINATING/ERADICATING/EVISCERATING – polemics and satire. While we featured much robust polemicizing and satirizing over the years, and remain ardent readers and writers of polemics and satire, we will no longer feature them in our zine (please see our Mutant Manifesto for a brief explanation).

BOO FREAKITY HOO.

However, we recognize that we are in a time of EMERGENCY (we always are, really, but this is an accelerated emergency of cosmic clusterfuck proportions), so here are some of the INDEPENDENT (as in, NO corporate influence, bitches!) polemicists and satirists we follow, and think you should too, cuz WE dictate what you should read (some of these are Substacks, but you can subscribe and get most of the posts for free):

Closer to the Edge/Fear and Loathing (illuminating insights with sharp satirical edge):  https://closertotheedge.substack.com/

Rebecca Solnit (writer and feminist, environmentalist, social change activist): https://www.meditationsinanemergency.com/

Robert Reich (author and political commentator; former labor secretary): https://robertreich.substack.com/

Mary Trump (Donald’s VERY SANE/HIGHLY BRILLIANT niece): https://www.marytrump.org/

Hightower Lowdown (Jim Hightower is Texas’ rowdiest rabble-rouser): https://jimhightower.substack.com/

Democracy Now (the best news program – lefty as fuck, meaning NORMAL. You can watch it, listen to it, read transcripts from it): democracynow.org

ACTUAL GUIDELINES (ALMOST):

Clockwise Cat: The Dada Verse is a Zen-Surrealist* literary webzine appearing seasonally that features verse (prose poesie and stanza poesie) and visual art. Please read further in order to ascertain just what we seek in terms of submissions.

(Yes, we are aware the guidelines are endlessly infinite in an ever-expanding cosmic clusterfuck known as the universe. But THIS is the DADA-VERSE, so hop on or DIE, losers!)

*Read Manifesto #4 for an explanation as to what Zen-Surrealism is.

Without further ado (or adon’t), we present the submission guidelines, or, as we like to call them, THE MOTHERFUCKING ROADMAP TO POSSIBLE PUBLICATION IN CLOCKWISE CAT:

Rule #1: Please read the Editorial Manifesto, located in the menu options on the main page under the banner, for rad-ass narratives as to why, exactly, we exist.

Rule #2: Please peruse previous issues to get an idea as to what Clockwise Cat is looking for content-wise, and style-wise. Be aware that many previous issues can be found both here at this site, as well as at our previous site:  www.clockwisecat.blogspot.com.

Rule #3: Please adhere to the following guidelines. Failure to do so will earn you a cyber-spanking, plus DISQUALIFICATION FROM CONSIDERATION.*

Brutal banishment from the universe will also be contemplated if your guideline violations are particularly egregious. (We do realize, of course, that you may perversely revel in spankings, cyber-wise and otherwise … pervert!)

*We are SERIOUS about this. Too many people violate the guidelines, and we have lost all tolerance for carelessness. Your submission will be deleted, with GLEE, if you fail to follow what we consider pretty straightforward guidelines. And no, we DON’T care how many Pulitzers you’ve won – JUST READ THE GODDAMN GUIDELINES, freak.

VERSE: PROSE POESIE AND SURREALIST STANZAS

Please refer to the new manifesto (to be found in the tabs below the banner – how many times do we have to say that?!) for a more nuanced exploration into our latest poetic predilections.

Clockwise Cat prefers to publish poetry that is in some way akin to the Symbolist, Dadaist, Surrealist, Beat, spoken word, experimental, avant-garde genres. In other words, we will regard all well-crafted submissions that somehow flout conventions. We like imagery-intense writing that features wild and wacky wordplay, jolting juxtapositions, crazy cadences, dense layers of savory symbolism, stream-of-consciousness spewings, audacious allegory, mad hatter rantings … verse that lunges off the page and throttles the throat of everything samey and mundane. Verse that is vivid, vivacious, and vicious (like Sid ) … verse that subverts the drab universe into a funky omniverse … a subversive subverse of versifying verse …

In other words, if your poem is in any way “academic” in style, it better damn well be imaginatively academic – and of course, that’s a rather oxymoronic qualification. But, of course, anything is possible, so don’t be shy if you think your piece fits the style and purview of the magazine. (Indeed, I have no doubt we have published plenty of poesie that skews academic, but clearly we found other quirky qualities that blunted its otherwise dull aspects. We LOVE to contradict ourselves, after all. Life is boring as FUUUK without contradiction, amirite?)

Prose Poesie Specifics: Prose poetry is ALL the rage these days, ain’t ya heard? We have ALWAYS adored prose poetry, though, and we are not ones to just track trends. But we figure it’s time – TYME – to put more of a focus on what we have loved for so long. As far as what we are seeking prose-verse-wise: Yes, it still has to be Zen-Surrealist in some way (again, see Manifesto #4 for what that means, exactly), but as far as length: That’s a tough one. Let’s say no more than 25 lines? TRY ME. If I love it a LOT, then I might let you get away with transgressing the rules SANS a cyberspanking! Of course, if you LIKE to be spanked… well, we can arrange that.

A side note here: While we are not explicitly accepting micro-fiction (kinda sorta a kissing cousin of prose poesie? But we’re not talking incestuous, weirdo! I mean, just because we live in Georgia…), if your prose poetry is more micro-fiction in essence, but still has poetic qualities, try us. TRY US! We acknowledge that hybrid forms, and genre-less thingies, are also all the rage, and that ALL the cool kids are doin’ it – and we’d really hate to be that square kid in the corner with no friends…(on the other hand, fuck the cool kids – we do our OWN thang!) (But we DO want friends, so…)

Surrealist Stanzas Specifics: See Manifesto #4 for a deeper dive into what Zen-Surrealism is – cuz that’s the style we prefer. But as for the stanza part of this, we just mean poetry that is NOT prose poetry – and non-prose verse typically includes stanzas, but sometimes you might NOT have stanzas in your versifying – maybe it’s just one long stanza. Have I confused you more? GOOD. I revel in confusing my writers. The point is: Typical poetry has line breaks, so just submit your surrealist-flavored verse, with line breaks and possible stanzas. YA DIG?

Quantity and length: Please submit no more than THREE (tres, trois) prose poems of reasonable length, and TWO (dos, deux) Surrealist Stanzas (What is considered reasonable length? That’s for me to decide on a whim, as it depends entirely on my mood and amount of sleep the night before. As I say above, for prose poems that might be 25 lines, while for stanza poetry that might be no more than about 40 lines of reasonable length? Maybe 50, at most? Try me, and you might get lucky. Or not! But most likely we will reject endlessly long poems, cuz they are self-indulgent and BORING.)

VISUAL ART: 

What do we seek in art? Why, we seek the audacious, the edgy, the crazy-unique. We like kooky, colorful, flamboyantly expressive creations. We like the surreal, the symbolic, the abstract, the dark and disturbing, the nihilistic and hedonistic and fantastic and elastic and ecstatic. (The ecstatically elastic, not so much, but the elastically ecstatic – bring it ON!)

Some of our favorite artists are Leonora Carrington, Remedios Varo, Joan Miro, Jean Michel Basquiat, Toyen, Hannah Hoch, Frida Kahlo, David Wojnarowicz, Hieronymus Bosch. But we like lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of different artists, both famous and obscure. We appreciate the vociferously freaky as well as the quietly twisted. We also love us some hardcore graffiti and street art, BITCHEZ.

In addition to paintings and sketchings, we love collage, and computer graphics, and cartoons, and mixed media – and yes, even photography/photographic essays. It’s just gotta have some sort of edge to it for us to consider it.

If accepted, your art piece(s) will either be used to embellish one or more of the poems we publish, or it will get its own page. Most likely, the latter. We will let you know. We will also publish your bio.

Quantity: Send up to THREE images. And please specify the MEDIUM. DUH.

MISCELLANY: 

Please submit a BRIEF THIRD-PERSON biography of yourself as well. The bio can include previous publication information, links to your website, and any other interesting tidbits you’d like us to know.

Please, NO SIMULTANEOUS SUBMISSIONS OF ANYTHING EVERRRRRRRRRRR. As in, NO! SIMULTANEOUS! SUBMISSIONS! (said in your best Faye Dunaway/Joan Crawford voice, of course.) I mean, Clockwise Cat is the ONLY publication you should be submitting to, anyway, dumbass. Love, Mommie Dearest

Previously published pieces ARE accepted, however; just let us know where your piece originally appeared so we can attribute it. This is the case for poetry and art.

Multiple submissions (submissions in different genres) ARE acceptable, and in fact, FUN! BUT WE WANT SEPARATE EMAILS for DIFFERENT GENRES (that is, one for poetry, one for art – DUHHHHHH)

Please note that we do NOT accept revised versions of your work once it is accepted. We are not a writing workshop; we are a magazine! DOUBLE DUH!

(Oh, and a cover letter is always nice. It doesn’t have to be long (in fact we prefer it not to be – just cuz I ramble into infinity does not mean you have the license to emulate me), but I find it ODD and RUDE when people submit writing without at least introducing themselves. I mean, would you walk into the office of someone you don’t know and just start blabbing, or would you perhaps introduce yourself first? Exactly. (Or, hey – maybe you wouldn’t introduce yourself, in which case, what the fuck is your problem?) )

(Also: We will NOT be honoring requests to remove a piece at a later date. So, be forewarned of this. If you think you might not get a future job offer because of the profane piece you published at Clockwise Cat two years ago, well, then maybe you shouldn’t be submitting writing or art on the internet, you sick pervert. Also, we will not honor any requests to change your name on a piece. So, if you have balls/ovaries and don’t care whether you get that joke of a generic job in that corporate low-wage cage because being published in Clockwise Cat is worth starving to death, WE WANT YER WORK NOW).

(Oh, and if you are a rude, sexist asshole to me, you will be deleted, on the spot, no further discussion, nice knowin’ ya (not really), and don’t let the Iron Doors of Doom slam your flabby ass on the way out, you misogynist prick. And if you are a rude bitch, same goes. In fact, if you are rude to an EDITOR, SOMEONE WHO IS PUBLISHING YOUR WORK, then you don’t really deserve to be called a writer, so go find another hobby, or better yet, another planet. Thanks in advance. (And yes, we have experienced supremely sexist scenarios and downright dastardly behavior.) )

Please send all submissions to Publisher/Editor Alison Ross at [email protected]. Please, if it’s poetry, paste your submissions into the body of your e-mail. If it’s visual art, you can attach it OR paste it into the body of the e-mail. (As far as art, we may have to work with the parameters a bit, so be patient about that. We will do everything in our power to properly represent the pieces you send us)

Write “Submission – Genre” in your subject line. (Note that this doesn’t mean you actually write “Submission – Genre” in the e-mail subject line, but that you SPECIFY the actual genre – i.e., poetry or art. As an example, for a poetry submission, write “Submission – POETRY” – but without the quotation marks.

(We didn’t think we’d have to explain this part of the guidelines in such excruciating detail, but trust me – we do. Peeps is dumb. Yup.)

We will try to respond to everyone within to two to three weeks, usually sooner. Please be patient. We do intend to respond to everyone, regardless of acceptance. We’re of the mindset that EVERYONE deserves a response within a REASONABLE amount of time. IF YOU DON’T HEAR FROM US WITHIN FOUR WEEKS, PLEASE INQUIRE AGAIN.

If we DO reject you, then you can consider it the Worst Thing that has ever happened to you. KIDDING. But seriously, if we do reject you, it could be due to any number of reasons (mainly, we hated your work. Again, KIDDING.). But seriously part two: I wouldn’t take rejection personally, as you may end up placing your piece with a better publication, in which case, you have my permission to flip me off on Instagram and publicly shame me on Facebook. (I don’t even use  Instagram much and if you shame me on Facebook, I’ll shame you right back, loser).

We do not comment on the quality of the pieces we reject, because, frankly, it’s so DAMN subjective, this writing thang, and again  – you may place your piece elsewhere in a much cooler magazine, though we doubt it, cuz we’re the best in the history of EVER.

Obviously, we are NOT a paying market (I mean, we don’t get paid, so why should YOU?! (actually, I think you should, but I gots no dolla dolla BILL, y’all) ), but the psychological rewards are nonetheless manifold. (That is, Clockwise Cat kicks ass, and you’re lucky to be published here. (Okay, not really.) (Okay, yes, really.) (Hubris RULES!)

 

Years ago, Writer/Editor Jim Harrington interviewed webzine editors about their submission guidelines. Here is my interview, which may give you some insights into my editing and publishing process (it’s dated, but still relevant-ish):

Six Questions for Alison Ross